The "Bert": a guy's guide to eyebrows
- Rich Allred
- Nov 8, 2015
- 3 min read
The brow.
If our eyes are the window to the soul, the eyebrows are their shutters, or the drapes, or the rain gutters...take your pick as long as you pick something that keeps the shit out of your pupils.
Either way you need to keep those guys clean, tiddy and upkept, less the view of your windows get's overshadowed and ignored, and nobody wants to be ignored.
While girls' eyes and eyebrows seem to get the lion's share of recognition from ads, discussion and cosmotology sales (just try looking for a "man section" in your local supermarket for tweezers, it doesn't exist) men's eyebrows are just as important a part of their facial composition as their hair or smile.
The brow is essential to expression; a furrowed brow, a troubled brow, curious, worried, pensive; all these descriptions should have brought images to your mind that conveyed very decided emotions - emotions, which the face could not emit if void of the brow.
The epitomology (history) of the word "brow" harkens back to the Middle Ages and has a few meanings. In Old English, "brow" means "the top of a hill", in Old Norse (Norwegian) the meaning comes from the word bru which means "bridge" or a gangway from the ship to the shore. (Say it with a scowl and roll your R, "Bru". Fun isn't it? :)
What does that mean to us? If the eyebrow is the top of the hill then our eyes are the village -where all the people live, where all the parties are, where all the cool shit happens (our eyelashes the trees? Fortifications perhaps?)
Now you may ask, "Why bring this up Rich?" Because! I'm the one writing the damn blog here, STEVE! (I'm assuming your name is Steve, and if not...just consider yourself lucky...this time, Jerry).
I bring this up to emphasis not overshadowing what matters most - our eyes. Girls love eyes, guys love eyes, everyone loves eyes! So much personality, expression and communication happens under those brows. That bru is not only a bridge to the shore but to your soul!
Let that soul shine! (Cue Southern church choir).
Again, we can't stress this enough, let your eyes shine through. Nobody writes songs about eyebrows, they're meant to frame the eyes, subtly, nicely, but if you're rocking a distracting brow nobody will care how green those iris' are.
In short, don't be this guy:
Look how sad his eyebrows make him.
Whilst staring at poor Bert as he wallows in his unibrow saddness you probably thought "Yeah well who really has a unibrow like that? Wait...do I have a unibrow like that? Not like that exactly like that but maybe just a bit of hair in the middle?"
Well don't worry, I'll wait while you run panting to the closest mirror.
...Doobie-doobie-do...hairy eyebrows connect on you...makes your face look just like poo....
Oh Hi! You're back. I was just singing a little song I call "Depression after realizing you have some unibru going on" (watch out Taylor Swift).
Ok, relax. Take a few deep breathes. You're ok. Reclaimed Hanger is here and your uni-woes will soon be over.
If you do happen to have a few stray hairs between your brow, you're not the only one. Lots of guys forget this area, the apex of their T-Zone (I thought it sounded cool...no? Ok sorry, sheesh).
Just take a look at our post, 10+1 Famous people who forgot a mirror: Unibrow Edition. Even movie stars, make up artists and directors seem to have forgotten to look closer.
Just because you have a few hairs up there doesn't mean the world is over. Just don't contact anybody you have ever encountered previous to reading this post. Let's just start fresh, pack your bags and start looking for apartments in the city across the river.
No! You can stay where you are because we here at Reclaimed Hanger will show you the very important elements of browscaping that your face needs.
Head on over here for a rundown of your options:
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